Emotionally I am a roller coaster. I was a mess yesterday when I realized he may be in NICU for a week!!! I'm so sad for my kids. They came to see me yesterday so I could love on them and I had some video to show them that Jason and I took of Ethan. I looked up and Jaycee's face was streaming with tears. She was instantly in love. Then Jake started to cry and Then Jas and I did too. Then Kaleb perks up and said, ''I'm not crying Mom'' hahaha it was so funny. The kids were begging to see the baby. They were broken hearted so I asked the lady in charge of the NICU if there was ANYTHING we could do to let them see him thru the window. We'll the lady just made it happen for us. The kids were so thrilled to see him in person. The nurse showed off his cute little body to them, feet and all. Jas and I were overwhelmed with gratitude for this precious moment. My kids are so in love with their little brother. I am so lucky to have kids who love each other.
Ethan is perfect but his low blood sugar makes him tired. Too tired to nurse so they have to feel him thru a tube thru his nose. He has a IV also that gives him sugar water too. They will little by little ween him off the sugar tilll his body figures out what normal is. He also has to start eating on his own which I think will happen within a few days when my milk comes in.
Jason and his Grandpa gave Ethan a blessing last night. I know that he is going to be just fine. Jason, the kids and I have to practice patience.
Sorry this is so long but I have so much going thru my mind right now. This situation I am in is making me feel so many different emotions. One of the biggest one is guilt! What did I do wrong? Could I have done something different? I have cried many tears and racked my brain for a while and I hope I can get ok with things emotionally.
Jason has been amazingly supportive thru this whole thing. I am so grateful that he has been here for me physically and emotionally. He knows just what to say to me and he supports me. It means so much to me.
I am overwhelmed by all the offers to help. Thanks to all those out there, you know who you are. I am so blessed to have so many people who care about me and my family.
I am hoping the next post is all about Ethan coming home and meeting Jake, Jaycee and Kaleb. I am daydreaming about the moment. Until then I'll be here at the hospital, holding my baby, pumping, trying to nurse and seeing progress!! Love you all!! I have felt your prayers.
8 comments:
I have my own tears streaming down my face! How sweet and special! I sure love you Aleisha! I'll keep you in my prayers...baby Ethan too! I am sure everything will be good too!! Love Jamie
Aleisha, you know that I've spent my own time in the NICU with MY son. HE WILL BE OK. He's doing fine right now. Just rely on your Heavenly Father right now more then ever. He will help you. A couple of things. Even though he's being tube fed, put him to your breast when he is eating, so he smells you when his tummy is getting full. He will associate your smell with him belly getting full. Also, we learned that it's a little hard to get them to nurse with the tube, it makes them not want to suck and swallow like they need to, so don't worry so much if he wont nurse good while he's still tubed. My son is proof that they can recover from being tube fed and nurse like a champ!!!! Everything will work out, I know it will. If you need ANYTHING, a shoulder to cry on, questions, support in anyway, call me 628-6939. My cell # is on my answering machine. I'm not kidding, I know how you are feeling right now and if I can help in anyway, PLEASE CALL ME!!!! Our prayers are with you and sweet Ethan. Keep your chin up, soon this will just be a memory!!!! Love you, girl!!!
Aleisha he is so sweet! Those wires look all to familiar, and I know the days in the NICU drag on and on and on. We were there for 10 days and I swear it felt like a month! But looking back on it I realize it was the best place for Gage at the time. Most importantly, don't be blaming yourself! You didn't do anything, he will be just fine and you are the perfect mommy for him, you didn't do anything wrong! If you have any issues with getting your milk, I have a few tips to hopefully help. I think I stressed myself out about it way to much so it took me a long time to get it coming. I ate oatmeal 2 times a day, took fenugreek (I found it at harmons). I would take 3-4 tablets 3 times a day. I would also drink mother's milk tea (also found at harmons) 2 times a day. I hope that helps! I just know that when the nursing doesn't start immediately, it takes a little help to get it coming. I know you are a lot more experienced in the mommy department than I am so this might all be pointless advice, but I just wanted to try to help! We love you guys and will keep sweet Ethan and your family and doctors in our prayers.
get rid of the guilt because you are such an amazing mom!
He is so sweet! My babies are always in the NICU for blood sugar too. I used to feel guilty about it too, but then I realized that is just the result of having diabetes and having babies...there is nothing you can do about it. It is a small price to pay and such a short period of there lives that I think it is worth it. It is crazy for me to think we were right where you are just 4 short weeks ago and now Jillian is getting chubby and is a great nurser. I thought there was no hope for her after the tube feeds too, but that all seems like a foggy dream now! The same will be true for you and Ethan too...I'm sure of it! Congratulations and enjoy that new little one!
Oh Aleisha.....it will be so good to have your family all together. I can't even imagine not being able to bring your baby home with you. How hard but I know you are strong and will be ok. I only wish I was one of the people offering to help what can I do from up here???? Can't wait to meet him!
What a special moment for your family! I'm sure the Lord is watching over Ethan and you should not feel guilty at all. He will be home and bonding with you all before you know it! He sure is cute! Love you!
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