So, I am sitting here just frusterated with myself. A couple of months ago I felt depressed and sad about who I am but lately, I have been very busy with lots of different things. I am involved with things that fullfill me. I am serving. I feel happy. I am helping at my kids school, my church and I am in theater with so many great people who seem to like me just the way I am. I get compliments from strangers and my friends. I feel accepted, loved. What is wrong with this, you ask? I don't know.
I guess I have to ask myself this question ..... What kind of person is satisfied being this fat??? What kind of person accepts it and doesn't care? I mean obviously if I cared enough, I would do something about it. I have been going to the gymand have felt so much better but I still am the same on the scale. That tells me that I am not eating the right foods. Now, knowing that you'd think I could say no to that cake at the party or the rocky road ice cream in the freezer, nope, not me. Is it weird that I am happy just the way I am? I hate how true that statement is because it says that I might not ever change. It isn't like I don't want to be healthy. I don't want to get bigger and bigger and I have maintained the same weight for over a year. I just don't desire to be perfect or even close. I hate that about me. I will settle for this instead of working for it. I just wish I could give up all those foods that aren't good for me. I wish I could make better choices and not have food run my life for once.
I feel so bad for my sweet husband who deserves a hot and sexy wife!!! I do want to lose weight but then I make bad choices again and again and again. I really DO love this man. What is it going to take for me to turn my love for him into motivation to improve my body for him so he can be happier? I really want another baby too but I am scared that if I lose lots of weight and get pregnant, I'll just gain it all back. Maybe that is just an excuse. What can I do to want it for myself? Any suggestions?
3 comments:
Here's what I think (from your "personal dietetian"!)...you can take it or leave it! I think you are on the right track, but then completely off the track...I'll explain. Your focus needs to be not on what you are doing wrong or foods that you shouldn't eat, but on including all the things that you need to be healthy. You are partially doing that by working out and you are feeling better for it, now you just need to change how you think about food. There are so many important nutrients and foods out there that our bodies need and crave even...start changing your thinking to this. For example, before you eat think "am I really hungry or eating for another reason (which isn't ALWAYS a bad thing either as long as you're honest with why you are eating)"? Then think, what does my body need that I haven't eaten yet (protein, dairy, fruits and veggies, a treat even). I've always tried to be an "inclusive" dietitian because I think if you concentrate too much on what you think you shouldn't be eating, you'll just end up sabotaging yourself. Focus instead on being the most heathy you that you can be right now...and consequently, that might not be really thin, but you can feel good about taking the best care of your body that you are capable of.
Anyway...hope that makes sense...good luck and call me if you ever want to talk...I would love to hear from you! (801-397-2637)
Mel
I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I know we have had some talks before so if some of this is a repeat...sorrry. The main thing, like you said is that you have to want it bad enough for yourself in order to change. You can't change for someone else. In regards to getting pregnant, I know that for me, I gained a lot of weight with Jaden. I knew I wanted another (maybe not as soon as it happened :)), so I was determined to lose my "baby weight" and then some before getting pregnant again. Because of my surprise with Kennedi I was able to get off only the baby weight, but it still meant less to lose next time. I am worried about what is going to happen to me this winter with no gym here and snow...maybe I will have to get some workout videos.
BTW, the best thing for me was finding a friend to go to the gym with or go walking with. That way you know you will have accountability. Good luck with everything!!
I think that what Melanie said is completly true. Just think about how Heavenly Father intended for us to nurture our bodies...How did Adam and Eve eat? You are so awsome Aleisha, you have so many talents that I think you are not even aware of how beautiful and amazing you are. From someone on the outside looking in, I am envious of you and your beauty.
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